Communication is perhaps the most skillful act within human relationships. It is supported by the pillars of mutual love, respect, and healthy compassion for each other. It also strengthens our understanding of interdependence and teaches us to take care of ourselves and others around us.
Before we start communicating with others, it is essential that we first communicate with our own heart to find out what feelings are being nurtured there, and with what intensity. We may find out that our heart is open with unselfish love, joy and respect for all.Or we may find it is drying up with bitterness of hatred, anger or feelings of revenge. It is very important to observe our internal moods. Our behavior, actions and speech all are born out of the internal chemistry of our mind, and our communications are but a reflection of their color and quality.
So, if we really want to channel our communication skills towards extending good will, we must first clear up all the negative thoughts and feelings from our inner self. Otherwise our personal frustrations will spill over others, and the personality we project through communications will not be a pleasant one at all. Swami Yogananda said, the human mind is the most powerful broadcasting machine. So with full awareness if we always keep our mind positive, kind and respectful, then only successful communication of the heart is possible. Today with the help of most advanced communications devices like computers, mobile phones, TV, and radio, we can receive and send our ideas to any part of the world within a few seconds. But while we can improve our business communications by being ‘always on’ for conference calls and with other modern technology, we find that meaningful interactions between individuals in family, society, among friends and neighbors hood has gone down sharply. Relationships between husband and wife, parents and children are falling apart because we are too busy using communications technology that connects our words to the wired world but we have no time or patience to connect our words to our own heart and hear and share each other’s feelings in meaningful ways beyond the superficial – a like on facebook is not the same as a hug and a chat in the real world. It is an escape from a meaningful expression of our heart.
The modes of communications today make us more self-centered, more rigid, not so much on principals, but driven by the projection of our ego – perhaps because we constantly feel the need to have to re-establish ourselves through social media. This degradation and commercialization of human communications is one of the causes of our deterioration of relationships in present day. With all these modern means of communications, there is nothing left of us to communicate. The capacity to understand and express loving adjustment, and a quiet interplay within human relationships led by our hearts is being hijacked by a multitude of shallow transactional communications driven by a desire for self- aggrandizement. And in this state of affairs, relationships can only be a painful experience for us, leaving little scope for evolving the greatest role of communications between individuals – to be a mirror for our hearts.
An alert and responsible person knows how not to be trapped by the constant meddling of modern communications technologies with the evolution of one’s heart. Happiness stands on the ground of understanding, sincerity and kind words. And that does not mean that we always have to agree with each other. But a stable minded and truthful person knows when to speak, how to speak and when to stay actively silent.
Famous Zen master ThichNhatHanh says, to restore communication, the practice of compassionate listening and practice of loving speech are necessary. With calm and unprejudiced mind we should listen to our dear ones, without judging or criticizing them, and just let them speak out to lessen their sufferings. After that, if we want to point out some mistake or misunderstanding, we can do it with a calm voice, and with loving and kind words.
Life is not permanent; it is like a passing shadow. We are all like moving stars, ready to move away from each other to some unknown destination at any moment. If this is the truth of life, then why not try to make each moment beautiful and wholesome with love, forgiveness and compassion?
So whatever we can give, a loving encouraging word, a smile, a helping hand, we should give it right now. If we cannot catch this moment now, then life will only be full with repentance later. Tibetan Buddhist master Sogyal Rinpoche said, mind full of compassion purifies our past negative karma. So while helping others to communicate, we also help ourselves to clear out our past karma. Great formula on communication was given by an unknown Tibetan saint, and says,
“Give all profit and gain to other
Take all loss and defeat on yourself”.
Edited by
Prodeep Bose
